Age of Loneliness
I was at a customer’s house finishing up my work when I heard her saying “are you sure you don’t want coffee?” I had already declined her initial offer. I normally do not socialize with my customers. I looked at her and felt a little sorry for her. She was a widow and living alone and bored to death. I changed my mind and decided to accept her offer. For the next thirty minutes we talked about a lot of topics. She was very interested to learn about me and India.
I come across situations like this every week. Even in crowded metropolitan areas like Philadelphia, New Jersey or New York people tend to leave lonely lives. Americans can be very individualistic. Independence and self-reliance are important aspects of the American psyche. I believe that this aspect of America is one of the key driving forces in making this country the economic and military power that it is today. But I believe that one of the side effects of a strong belief in individualism is isolation.
The United States is a very large country with a relatively smaller population (US is geographically three times the size of India with only one fourth of India’s population). Most of the country is very sparsely populated except for the North East and parts of the West Coast. In addition there is a tendency among Americans to move from cities and live in less densely populated areas called the suburbs. In the suburbs you can buy bigger houses, send your kids to better schools and in many cases you do not have to deal with major traffic jams or violent crime. Most suburbs also tend to be predominately white than the cities.
The isolation and loneliness are not limited to the older population alone. If you are single and are looking for someone compatible then you will find it hard to do so in the suburbs as compared to the cities. The younger generation has a tough time finding and connecting with other people their own age and doing something together. You will find many of them wandering around convenient stores or Dunkin Donuts with nothing else to do.
As you get older this becomes a very serious problem. A retired American is much better off than an average citizen in many other countries. There are powerful lobbies like the American Association of Retired Persons (AARP) that make sure that the interests of the retired are rightly protected. But having money, car and a house is one thing and having friends, relatives and a social circle is a totally different issue altogether.
A study conducted by sociologists at Duke University and the University of Arizona found that the number of people with whom an American can discuss important matters dropped from 2.94 people in 1985 to 2.08 in 2004 (this is a 30% drop in only 20 years). In the same survey nearly 25% of Americans indicated that they had no one to discuss serious matters. The last census (conducted in 2000) showed that 25% of American households consisted of just one person (the next census will be conducted in 2010 and I am afraid that these numbers are going to get worse). When you have only a few serious friends then losing one of them for whatever reason can have a huge impact on you life. This is exactly what is happening to American seniors who lose their spouses. They are quickly running out of options.
We live in a world where we think that we are much more connected than ever before. Phone calls, text messaging and email are inexpensive and very common. Social networking sites like Facebook and Twitter keep us close to our friends, family and in many cases total strangers. But we should not confuse quantity of relationship with the quality of the relationship. Human beings are social animals. There is no substitute for sitting next to each other or in a group talking and sharing a few laughs or secrets.
This post was actually inspired by the song “Age of Loneliness (Carlyn’s Song)” by the group Enigma. After a long break I listened to this song yesterday on YouTube
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Category: Culture & Religion