Arranged Marriage is Not Fashionable Anymore!
I read an article about the upcoming wedding of Bollywood star Manisha Koirala. Overall, I was very surprised about how defensive she was when it came to the nature of the marriage. She said “Yes, I’m getting married to Samrat. He’s from Nepal, like me. But please, it is not an arranged marriage”. In the Indian sub-continent arranged marriage is the norm. So why does she have to clarify the fact that her marriage to the businessman from Nepal is not arranged?
I think the reason is that among certain sections of India’s population (Manisha is technically from Nepal) getting married in the traditional way is not the fashionable thing to do anymore. This trend is growing and it is quite possible that in a few generations arranged marriage will be a thing of the past in India.
Like many others I have often wondered about traditional Indian marriage and how it compares to the now fashionable love marriage. To be honest I can argue both cases and I see a lot of positives and negatives on both sides. But I am more interested in the overall concepts behind these arrangements.
Arranged marriage exists in all parts of the world. The degree to which the marriage is arranged varies (In the West for many centuries the marriages involving royalty was for the most part arranged. Only people belonging to lower income groups were allowed to choose their own spouses). In many countries parents or close relatives still introduce their children to potential mates. Then it is up to the couple to decide whether to marry or not. On the other extreme there are still marriages conducted in India where the bride and the groom only meet on the day of their wedding (it is rare but it still happens).
I think that arranged marriage is about families coming together and making sure that their interests and the interest of the individuals getting married are protected. The question of whether the individuals are compatible emotionally, sexually or in other ways is less important. On the other hand love marriage is about freedom, independence and personal choice.
The reality is that most marriages in the world is a combination of arranged and love marriages. In the West people fall in love and over a period of time often make serious compromises in their careers, where they live and so on before they marry or after their marriage. In India these compromises are made as part of the marriage “negotiations”.
Manisha Koirala’s statements regarding her marriage highlights the hybrid aspect of most marriages. She said “Yes, our families know one another for some years now. So there was a comfort level between me and Samrat for a very long time. Gradually the bonding grew from friendship to love. And when Samrat asked me to marry him, I agreed”. Some Westerners would not consider this as love marriage because for them marriage involves long periods of dating and living together and not just knowing each other.
She then talked about her move from Mumbai to Kathmandu (Nepal) after her marriage “That’s where Samrat is based. He is into many kinds of business ventures including a project in alternate energy. So yes, one thing will change. Mumbai used to be my first home. Now Kathmandu will be my first home. But I’ll continue to be a Mumbai girl at heart and will have a home here”. Is this love marriage or is this arranged marriage?
But the debate between arranged and love marriage is increasingly not relevant because the trend is clearly towards not getting married at all. In 2006 for the first time in American history the Census Bureau reported that only 49.7% of the nation’s households were made up of married couples. This means that the majority of Americans are living in households where the couples are not married!!
Marriage rates in European nations are even worse and have fallen to the lowest rates in countries like England and Wales since the 18th century when they first started recording this data. The writing on the wall for both arranged marriages and love marriages is loud and clear. So if you think that you are hip and want to marry a person you love then think again. There is nothing wrong with marrying a person you love but remember marriage itself is not fashionable anymore!!
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Category: Culture & Religion
I too felt same way many times the concept of arranged marriage are slowly dissolving now a days!
Welcome Manjunath … arranged marriage will be a thing of the past in a few decades. I am still undecided on whether that is a good thing.
It is a good thing when we don’t have any plans or priorities of our own..If a kid is brought in such a way that the parents decide everything and the kid is taught only to obey,then natuarally he/she won’t have any likes of their own.And since they grew up by only obeying the parents,they will never know what they want in their life..
You are talking about a key aspect of Indian society which is control of your children’s destiny. Total control that you can see in India is not necessarily good. But I see the opposite in the US. The parents exercise no control and it is very common to see kids who are less accomplished than their parents. This you rarely see in India.
Its the perspective with which one sees the marriage!
How can one spend the rest of his/her life with someone whom he/she doesn’t know anything about! This was the notion when people found arrange marriage very old fashioned and wanted to move to love marriage style.
How can one spend the rest of his/her life with just one person! This is current notion people are having and thus thinking marriage is old fashioned!
But my thought is, is everyone finds it easy enough to meet, date and propose to their partners? Do we all find it easy to find one, anyway? This leaves many of us single forever. Here arranged marriages work better bringing prosper into their lives!
So go your mind way and get things done ur way. Jus ‘cos everyone is going for love marriage do not wait for that to happen. Get things done ur way. If love happens to you, then do not force urself otherwise!
Welcome Poongodi. Well said.